Monday, 25 August 2014


"Zeff, will you just let me see the hair?"
"The hair's fine, babe. You can see the hair."
"I can see your crotch. Will you sit down?"
"The hair's fine, Zalinda."
"Zeff, why won't you just sit down and let me -"
"Because then I have to move the chair again, and -"
"Why do you keep moving the chair? You don't have to move the chair!"
"It's too near the desk."
"Of all the things! How can it be 'too near' the desk? Where else's a chair going to go?"
"It's just, we've got all this space -"
"The chair's fine, Zeff. Just won't you let me see the hair?"
"It's fine."
"So you cut it."
"I didn't cut it."
"No, I know -"
"I know how important it is to you I come to this work thing, Zalinda. I'm not going to cut my own hair!"
"You got it cut, I mean."
"Sure. Cerberus cut it."
"Who's Cerberus?"
"Cerberus! Our robot!"
"Robot? We don't have a - Wait, that thing in the corner? Zeff, that is a burglar alarm! It can't cut hair!"
"Well it cut mine."
"Okay. Well, if you won't sit down I'll just have take your - Wait, is that what you're going to wear?"

Illustration by Peter Elson.
(With thanks as ever to 70s sci-fi art.)

Sunday, 3 August 2014


"Oh, Zif, I'm so glad we decided to go fishing in the Plains of Madness."
"Were you distracted just then by Zork's catch?"
"No. Hm? No... Just... Just wondering who's boat that is - Hey, is that a tent?"

Later that day:

"Honestly, Janik-Sue, how can we still be hungry? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."

(With thanks to Shusei Nagaoka and, as ever, 70's sci-fi art.)